“In grief, friends become strangers; and strangers become friends.”
Recognized as one of today’s foremost experts on grief, Claire Bidwell Smith is a licensed therapist, international speaker, and the author of five books published in 22 countries. Led by her own experience in grief and fueled by her work in hospice and private practice, Claire strives to provide support for all kinds of people experiencing all kinds of loss. See all of Claire’s books and learn more about her important work at www.clairebidwellsmith.com.
Claire and I crossed paths at a gathering a couple of months ago. During her session with fellow therapist and New York Times bestselling author of “Maybe You Should Talk to Someone,” Lori Gottlieb, I found myself deeply moved by Claire's profound insight into grief and loss. Later that day, I mustered the courage to introduce myself, sharing with her the painful truth that Ryan and I had lost our precious daughter a decade ago.
Her response was immediate and heartfelt.
“What is her name?”
Her question reflected a depth of understanding that resonated with my own grief. And that was music to my bereaved mother heart.
As Claire and I exchanged DMs and emails in the days that followed, we found a shared purpose in sharing our experiences, hoping to provide comfort to families enduring the loss of a child.
A decade has slipped away in the blink of an eye. I consider it ten years closer to the hope cradling Aila again in my arms. Yet, these past ten years have also been a journey of yearning and grappling with the void she left behind. Along the way, I've gleaned countless lessons while navigating life with my three children, prioritizing my marriage, and steadfastly honoring her enduring legacy.
Guiding others through their own paths of loss has unfolded as an unexpected, bittersweet privilege. Each shared story serves as a poignant reminder of the universal nature of grief, offering a gift of insight to provide solace and hope for those who journey alongside me.
Recently, Claire visited my home for a deeply personal conversation about my experience and what I wish I knew ten years ago. Together, we filmed our discussion, hoping to offer a beacon of comfort and understanding to others treading a similar path or seeking ways to support those who have experienced the profound loss of a baby.
We talk through:
Surviving the deeply dark days
Grieving with younger children present
Therapy and its role
Changes in brain chemistry, and its impact with social repercussions of lost friendships and feeling disconnected or isolated
Anxiety as a side effect of grief
Unexpected occurrences that often aren’t talked about but would be helpful to know for a mother who has recently lost a newborn or late term pregnancy loss
Establishing a legacy in memory of your baby
Men and grief, and how to avoid collapse in the aftermath
Dos and don'ts for supporting a grieving friend
How to avoid platitudes and well meaning, but hurtful, comments
What to do or say instead
I hope this conversation brings you comfort and awareness. Please forward it on to someone who may need it.
with love,
and with so much grace and love for you who are hurting,
Danielle
Claire has a new Child Loss Support Group that is beginning on September 6.
If you are new around here and would like to learn more about our daughter, Aila Jane, please see the below articles and videos:
Other Resources and Helpful Tools
Conscious Grieving, by Claire Bidwell Smith
Anxiety, the Missing Stage of Grief, by Claire Bidwell Smith
Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep, Remembrance Portraits
Beyond Grief: Navigating the Journey of Pregnancy and Baby Loss
A Conversation : Pregnancy and Infant Loss