Imposter Syndrome.

And chasing my purpose

I’m sitting at JFK (again, now on September 9) about to embark on publication day tomorrow and my book tour, and have been scrolling through everybody’s tags of their screenshots of their order tracking numbers from February. It reminded me that I wrote this and never hit publish. I’m not changing a thing about it. I’m going to send it out right now as is. I am blown away by your support, and cannot wait to hear what you think as you flip through the menu plans and grocery list and all of the new recipes tomorrow when it lands on your doorstep. Thank you for being my community.

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I sit here at the JFK today in the month of February, just after a Today Show segment, with tears as I watch a new book I just announced rise to the top of the charts - #10 in 34 million. #1 in gluten free cooking. #1 in all cookbooks.

A book that’s not even coming out until September, but that you all have so graciously and excitedly pre-ordered - sight unseen.

I sit with butterflies in my stomach, just like I had when Against all Grain came out in 2013 and I wondered if you’d like it. If anyone would buy it. If I’d ever get to a place where I stopped being told the recipes I write are “too niche” or a “passing trend.” I knew back then that this was a lifestyle that was here to stay for me. And because of your stories and testimonials, I knew it wasn’t going anywhere for you too.

I didn’t know my purpose when I released Against all Grain. I thought I would write one cookbook forever, and be done. I still didn’t even realize the gravity of ailments and chronic illnesses that were in the world, and how many could be helped with the type of food that I cooked.

I know my purpose now. But I didn’t know it when I set out on this writing journey. And even “knowing” it doesn’t come without doubts and feeling like I shouldn’t be the one to be tasked with it.

I wrote in 2008 because I needed an outlet. I needed somewhere to process my emotions about being diagnosed with a lifelong illness. To work through the feelings of the life I had planned changing before my eyes with one simple procedure and its results. And to catalog the new recipes I was creating to fit the new lifestyle and diet I knew was helping my symptoms.

But I thought it was just for my friends and family to read. Or no one at all but me.

Overtime, that purpose showed itself and God’s hand clearly touched the writing and recipes I was publishing.

I learned that being vulnerable to the world and sharing my struggles could make someone across the country feel seen.

Feel known.

Feel cared for.

And feel inspired.

I learned that a recipe I made because I was craving something - Real Deal Chocolate Chip Cookies or Sandwich Bread - could meet someone where they were at in the emotional journey of grieving food. And that the recipe could give them back something they thought they lost.

In 2014, I learned that sharing of Aila’s diagnosis and ultimate passing after birth could meet hundreds of thousands of mothers where they were at in their grief. From those that were 1 to 40 years down the road, to loved ones inquisitive of how to care for a friend or sister that lost their baby, to even preparing those that hadn’t yet experience the crushing loss of a baby but tragically would 3, 5, 8 years later.

So my calling is just that. Share. And share authentically. And help the world heal through food.

Even after 7 books, I question if my purpose is making an impact. I wonder if the world is too saturated, or if writers that have come after me should take the baton. And I wonder if I can keep writing cookbooks for you and if you’ll still want them. I don’t feel like I’m doing enough to help our community, and at the same time, I feel like the pressure is all too much.

I still have a huge job to do to convince the greater public and especially the television and publishing world that so many people need this. 50 million Americans with autoimmune disease, and so many more undiagnosed, for one. Those with food allergies for another. Or just because we need to be healthy and take care of the only body we get here on Earth.

I know it’s not in my hands. I know I was called to write it, and now it’s going out into the world. It’s up to you to love it and share it.

Even if you don’t love it, I thank you.

Thank you for being here. Thank you for trusting me. Thank you for sharing your stories with me. For your recipe requests. For coming to meet me on book tours. For your messages. For so much. Just thank you. Thank you for ordering this new book and shooting it to the top, before you even know for sure if you’ll love it. We will see in 7 months. It feels so far away, but I’m sure will be here before we know it.

I’m so profoundly thankful for this community.

Xo

Danielle